No One Owes Me Anything

I had an interesting thought this week. On Sunday, we were reviewing the verse in which Jesus says anyone who gets angry at their brother or sister is subject to judgement (somewhere in Matt. 5). Anyone who gets angry. That has always seemed to me to be not only a little strict--I mean, we can't really control if we get angry, can we?--but also confusing, as elsewhere in the story Jesus himself lays the smackdown on some dudes selling stuff in the temple. He's outright pissed at them--he even makes a whip right there and starts cracking it at them! Isn't this the guy who's supposed to be perfect? And who just said that whole thing about not getting angry? Where does this all reconcile?

Well, I thought to myself...perhaps there are two kinds of anger. And people have always said that to me, to excuse Jesus' behavior--"Oh, Jesus had righteous anger when he was mad." Excuse me, but am I the only person who wonders what the ---- is 'righteous' anger? when I hear someone say that? But this last Sunday I think I started to understand what it might mean. When Jesus was angry, he was angry at something being done to something other than himself. When I get angry, it's usually because something has been done to me. And I feel that I am owed something. Someone has wronged me, and I am owed an apology, or an act of kindness to make up for whatever, or something along those lines. I feel entitled, and upset until this debt I've assumed has been paid. I think that this is the kind of anger Jesus was telling us to avoid. It is inherently selfish, and we as Christians are supposed to be selfless. So true, healthy, 'righteous' anger, would occur whether the misdeed was towards us or someone else, regardless.

Now stay with me. I know this isn't really revolutionary, but it led me to a thought that's changed my perspective on life and grace significantly. The other day, I was doing what will remain an unnamed kind act for an unnamed kind person, and I thought to myself, This person probably won't even notice that I'm doing this. They probably won't even thank me. This annoyed me to the point where I started getting preemptively angry at this person and considered leaving my kind act unfinished. But then I remembered what I had thought about anger, and I thought perhaps that this perspective could apply to more of life. I noticed that most negative thoughts occur when we start to feel owed something. But if we could just operate on the basis of believing that no matter what, we are owed nothing whatsoever, nothing at all--then it would be a lot easier to love, to be humble, to be confident, and to rely on God instead of others. It would really change everything around. Jesus said to lend without expecting repayment. And in one translation of the Lord's prayer, he says "Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors." If someone asks for your cloak, give him your shirt as well.

If this is old news to you, I apologize for boring your socks off. But it's a perspective that's letting me live life with a lot more ease and grace, and I thought I'd share it with y'all. God is great:)

Fitness.

So, I'm trying this new thing. A blog a week is my new goal. And I figure I might do better with said goal if I cut myself some slack. Not every blog is going to be very long, because I want to get in the habit of regularly writing. So, suffice it to say I no longer work at Suki's, and I am instead working at a wonderful thai restaurant. I get free thai food. It's lovely.

Today my blog is about fitness. I really want to be the type of person who is super in shape, and I always make these grandiose fitness plans which involve daily workouts and diet plans, long-term goals, calorie counting and timing and improving. I'm a planner, I'm a schemer, I'm an obsessive day-dreamer! (excuse the rhyme, please.) But these grandiose plans almost always fail. I will stick with it passionately for a week, maybe two--maybe a month if I'm lucky--and then some life situation will give me the perfect excuse to stop. The last excuse was a sprained ankle. I know, it's a pretty good excuse not to work out. But still. Today I did my first yoga workout in over a month, and I had to take it really slow, because some angles just aren't quite jiving yet with Mr. Ankle-of-the-sprain-and-contusion (still don't know what 'contusion' means). I had to really, really, REALLY listen to my body in order to work out without injuring myself yet again. And I found that this was incredibly helpful. What if, instead of making long-term plans and schedules and calorie counters, I just listened to my body on a day-to-day basis, and did what I, with my limited knowledge, knew to be best for it on any given day? When I do get a workout in, I feel great afterwards. When I do eat healthily, I feel great afterwards. If I focused on each individual day--living in the present instead of being trapped in a never-ending and oft-ambiguous future--then my long term goals will, most likely, sort of work themselves out. But if I focus on making plans and continually failing at them, I will just be a person who fails all the time. And that's no fun. Nor does it really get the point of what healthy living is supposed to be about. It's supposed to be about health (go figure).

So, my new goal (besides blogging once a week) is healthy living. I'm going to take it one day at a time, and I'm going to listen to my body. Because I'm finding more and more that my body knows generally what it needs...it's me that tends to get in the way.